ČAR IZGORELOSTI / CHARM OF BEING BURNED OUT

 

 

 

S fizično in mentalno izgorelostjo se ne soočam prvič, ker pa je tokrat moj pogled nanjo čisto drugačen, bi z vami rada delila nekaj svojih opažanj in spoznanj.

Na začetku sem še trepetala, se jezila nase in trmarila, misleč, da sem šibka in nemočna žrtev. Ko pa sem stopila dlje in si stvari ogledala iz drugih kotov, sem v trenutku našla moč in željo po raziskovanju.

Prvič, izgorelost je samo definicija stanja in ne dovoljujem mu, da me omejuje. Namesto tega raje odkrivam možnosti, ki mi jih prinaša. Vabi me v samoraziskovanje, samonegovanje. Vidim ga kot čudovito priložnost za ponovno vzpostavljanje povezave s sabo, s telesom, za izboljševanje komunikacije z njim. Ponovno me uči prejemati.

Drugič, ne vidim, da bi bilo z njo sploh karkoli narobe. Gre le za spremembo starega stanja, za premik, ki se kaže tako kot se, na način, ki sem ga pripravljena slišati in videti. Vem tudi to, da nikoli ne prejmem več, kot zmorem nositi, zato sem v tej situaciji že cel čas zelo mirna. Vem, da je vse ok.

Tretjič, pretirana občutljivost je v resnici ranljivost, telesna čutnost, ki si je do zdaj nikoli nisem hotela priznati, kaj šele odkriti koliko lepega mi prinaša. Opažam, da je v resnici veliko darilo. Ne pomnim, kdaj sem bila bolj iskrena s sabo in da bi me telo ob tem tako močno podpiralo. Jasno mi daje vedeti kje je nekaj zame in kaj je v določenem trenutku bolje izpustiti. Prvič se zares poslušam, prvič si zaupam in prvič res vem, da je edini učitelj, ki ga potrebujem v življenju, življenje samo.

Četrtič, ranljivost mi poleg darila prinaša še bonus. Vse moje zaznave so zelo intenzivne, hipersenzibilne. Res, da druge čutim veliko močneje kot sicer, kar je včasih naporno in utrujajoče, imam pa poleg tega nenormalno izostrene tudi ostale čute. Okus, voh, sluh, dotiki, seks, … vse je čista eksplozija.

Vse vedno bolj postaja en sam navdih, orgazem, ki me neustavljivo žene v nadaljnje raziskovanje, v novo življenje, v nove projekte, staro, ki mi na novi poti ne služi več, pa naravno odpada samo od sebe.

 


CHARM OF BEING BURNED OUT

I don’t come face to face with physical and mental burnout for the first time, and this time my view on it is quite different. I would like to share some of my observations and insights with you.

At the beginning I was angry, I was trembling, I thought I was a victim, that I’m weak and powerless, but when I stepped forward and saw things from other angle, I immediately found strength and inspiration for exploration.

First, burnout is just a definition of some state or transition that my body is in, and I don’t allow it to limit me. Instead, I’d rather discover the possibilities it brings. It invites me to self-study and self-care. I see it as a wonderful opportunity to re-establish a connection with myself, with my body and to improve the communication with it. It really teaches me how to receive and see things differently.

I don’t see it as there is something wrong with the state I am in. It is changing all the time so I know it will pass. The old state is just turning into something new. The change manifests itself in a way that I am willing to see, in a way I can handle it. What I also know is that I can never receive more than I can deal with, so I am very calm about that. From the very beginning I know everything is okay.

Thirdly, my excessive sensibility is actually a vulnerability, which I also see as a physical sensuality that I have never wanted to admit it before. I have never allowed myself to be able to figure it out what kind of gift and contribution it brings to me. I can’t remember when I was more honest to myself and when my body supported me so strongly, when time for consideration and making decisions comes. I know so clearly when there is something good for me and what that is. At some point it is better to let go and I simply let go. For the first time I am willing to truly listen, I am being truly honest to myself and to others. For the first time in my life I truly know that the only teacher needed in my life is the life itself.

Fourth, besides amazing and brilliant gifts, vulnerability gives me a special bonus. My perceptions are very intense and hypersensitive. I feel the others as much as I feel myself, which is sometimes intense and exhausting. But besides that, my other senses are sharpening abnormally. Taste, flair, hearing, touching, sex, … all that is pure explosion.

Everything becomes more and more orgasmic and inspirational, it invites me to explore even further. It’s almost funny how all the old naturally flows away and says hello into the new life and new projects.

 

 

 

 

 

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